Navigating Parenthood and Passion
Welcome, middle-aged dads!
As we navigate our forties and beyond, the challenge of balancing parenting and maintaining a healthy sex life becomes increasingly apparent.
As a father of two young kids I know full well how diaper changes, school runs, and bedtime stories can leave finding time for intimacy like searching for a needle in a haystack.
Despite these issues however, my wife and I have managed to maintain a healthy and vibrant sex life, and I believe you can too.
Join me in exploring a few of the major issues we've experienced, and how we've managed to keep things exciting in the bedroom.
The Common Dilemmas:
Time Constraints for Intimacy: Middle-aged parents are often stretched thin between work, parenting duties, and maintaining a social life. Where does intimacy fit into this hectic schedule?
Something we've found is that, as boring as it sounds, scheduling in time to have sex is very important. Yes, it's unromantic, but often desperate times call for desperate measures. Prioritise certain nights amid the chaos. Consider it an appointment with your relationship.
Depending on the regularity of your sex life, pick a few days in the week when it's most likely to happen and make a mental note of when that might be. It's not like it's set in stone, but typically we will aim to be intimate on certain nights during the week. This has been a game changer.
Battling Fatigue for Connection: After a day of work, parenting, and adulting, fatigue becomes a formidable adversary. The idea of a romantic evening may seem appealing, but for many of us the allure of crashing out often wins.
This is where regularity comes in. The better you plan out your day the more time and energy you will have in the evenings.
Exercise
Getting the kids into bed at the same time each evening
Minimising screen time after a certain hour (for all of you!)
Getting done what needs to be done before bedtime
Getting good sleep
These are all things that will help you feel more alive in the evenings and ready for action.
EXERCISE CANNOT BE OVERSTATED. If you exercise regularly you WILL have more energy and you WILL want more sex. This goes for men and women both.
Shifting Priorities in Parenthood: As parents, many of our priorities naturally shift towards our children, leaving little room for maintaining the connection with our partners. Remember however, women are particularly big on this.
WHEN YOUR WIFE IS IN MOM MODE, SHE IS DEFINITELY NOT IN SEX MODE. AT ALL.
Remember this.
While it's important that as men we maintain a healthy level of subtle intimacy in our day to day goings on together (see my other article Nurturing Romance in the Heart of Marriage for more on this) it's very important to pick our moments. Sexy flirtation is best kept to those times when she's not stressed out about the baby having vomited or the toddler having a full on tantrum.
Your lady is more than just a wife and mother. She is the woman you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Don't neglect those moment when you can remind her of how things used to be, and that you are still crazy about, and very much turned on by her.
Sadly, while those morning sex sessions and quickies before dinner often become a thing past after kids come along, it is up to you as the man to maintain a tone of healthy sexual tension in the relationship.
She is your lover. Never stop seducing and wooing her. EVER!
Be the best dad and partner you can be.
Don't let complacency and predictability set in.
Be a good father but a great lover
Show her with small and regular gestures that she is more than just a wife and mother
Do these things and you will both have a better marriage and better sex.
I know as well as anyone that navigating parenting in the bedroom is a delicate dance. Parenthood may alter the rhythm, but it doesn't have to silence the melody. Keeping the intimacy alive in a household full of kids takes work.
But believe me, it's worth it.
Best of luck. And please feel free to drop me an email with any comments or suggestions.
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